It will mean more….

 

Exactly 20 minutes ago, I rushed through the clutter of life to get to the bus stop; hoping to catch that lorry that is prayerfully 10 minutes late for everyone, but right on time for me.

As I got on the bus, I let out a smile hoping that the conductor will be accepting of my otherwise empty gratitude.

 

Takes me back to just yesterday.

Her friend had gone with us to help pick out clothes.  Knowing that my taste and hers do not match,  she had brought along a more cheerful mate.

A Barnes & Noble was not too far off and so took the opportunity to pick up reading materials.

Got a couple for mum, as well.  And, so here I am dropping off those books.

I know she will rather know we are bringing guests.

And, so upon arriving my invite to our un-attached was a bit half-hearted.

She kindly said No, and politely offered to wait in the car for us.

A few minutes later Dad came home from his afternoon walk with Latte.  Latte had refused to go that morning.  But, who can resist the California sun twice in one day.

The Dog is 14 years old now.  He was breathing heavy.  He kept his mouth open gasping for air and I noticed his worn teeth.

Latte is a pass me down from my Sisi.  I never asked if Latte knows Sin is her birth mother.

Back to our third wheel.  I went inside with Dad and he later asked if she does not want to come in.  To which I replied,  “It will mean more if it came from them“.

And, so he took upon offering the invite.  To which she kept her NO.

A few later, Mum said she would go out.

She brought the young lady in.  And, Dad offered that Mum is more persuasive than he is.  To which I retorted more pushy.

I always knew that an invite from the woman of the house, my mother, will make a world of difference.

As Dad spoke and reflected on life, I looked over at Mum and Wifey do same.

Last Christmas with the whole family over, they went over choosing mates and partners in life and love.

They don’t have to talk about it, they have lived and living it.

Something about a sermon not been preached, yet lived.

As I got up this morning, knowing the love of my life, will be gone for 3 weeks. I couldn’t quite get myself together.

We had had a busy and full weekend.  But, still there was always one more thing to say.

What I really wanted to say is what God had given me to say yesterday.  And, that was how thankful I should be to the cost my Love bears as she opens up herself for and to me.

To some opening up comes with ease; yet to others it comes guarded.

And, so here are to those things that mean more.

A lifetime ago,  God showed himself, replanted and re-souled in our lives and everything has meant more ever since.

Must be a Sunday

Morning Wake Up Call

Woke up 6:50 and I did not have to take in too much convincing.

Had gone to bed early and I was well rested.

It is Sunday morning and I might as well go in and hear from the man of God.

Brought out the clippers and got a clean shave; there is no reason keeping any of this bad hair.

 

Who they are

Made it to worship late us usual.  And, so took that empty seat at the last row.

Service was good, the pastor brought up two congregants whom faith has brought together.

His faith has held for sixteen years. Worn and Tested.

Hers has grown in a much more unruffled soil; the company of friends.

In time her faith was tested as well.

When he is the one doing the testing; everything turns out well.

Her friends were not just friends in what they believe.  But, also in whom they are.

Brother Ray

Saw Brother Ray.

Had asked for his prayers a week earlier.

Walking the hallways and sometimes there is not better place, but out there in the open.

Someone else might be encouraged by the humility of brothers saying lay your hands on me.

And, pray me in to the place of peace that you are standing in.

Thankfully things are now more settled.

One never knows what lays ahead and so when prompted by the Spirit, be sure to ask for that prayer and fellowship.

 

Brother Gary

Saw Brother Gary after Church.

Asked him to please keep us abreast of plans for laying Dad down.

And, of prayers for him; and how I will not say more than that.

He agreed that there is not much to say has we have been through it.

He said of the plans that it was actually happening this afternoon.  But, it is out of town.

In Jamaica Queens, New York.

I am just so thankful that he could have muttered Yes and held the plans to himself, but he chose not to.

And, that rendered us the opportunity to enjoin with him in Spirit.

 

Aunt Stacy & Uncle Alan

Aunt Stacy called on Friday Night.

And, so made time to go see Aunt T. on Saturday afternoon.  And, also on Sunday.

And, yes the grass needed to be trimmed in love.

And, so returned home and came back with the mower.

After Church on Sunday, came back and took care of the backyard, as well.

Just like my Hair mowed the grass down rudely and harshly.

As I returned to the front to get some more gas, saw Uncle Alan, Aunt Stacy’s husband, helping trim the edges.

He was picking up behind me.

All the stuff I rushed through while cutting the front yard, he was lovingly and affectionately placing a well.

 

Mama

Took Mama out for Sunday dinner.

Dinner was at Forbes Mills in Los Gatos.

Here is a link.

Made sure that we walked the outdoors and got Mama’s hair wet.

Worked up an appetite and took in the refreshment of the wild, tempered outdoors.

 

R.C.

Talking about Los Gatos.

RC from Cornell interviewed there a few years ago.

She gunned for the City Planner’s position.

And, it came down to her and another person.

Wouldn’t that be something if RC is the one running that city; responsible for keeping old money respectable and treasured.

Holiday Gift Cards

Angel Tree

Each year at the Fellowship in which I worship we buy gifts for children of “Shut in Parents”.

This particular social fabric is called Angel Tree.

 

Congregants

For Year 2017, we have a lot more Angels requesting gift certificates.

After looking for actual gifts on the tree, many congregants smugly walked away empty handed.

I was able to make facial contact with some of them as they haplessly complained of not having actual gifts to choose from.

 

Yours Truly

I have yet to bring myself to confide to our congregants.

But, yours truly is the source of their consternation.

I was too quick to bail out many grandparents as they were lost as to which gifts their grandchildren will prefer over the other.

I asked one of my fellow co-coordinators, GP, as to how he was able to place so many actual gift requests on the tree.

He said he pushed the guardian to come up with an actual gift and did not allow them the escapism of a gift card.

 

Why Actual Gifts

The congregants offered resounding reasons for the ire.

As in most faith communities, our congregants are mostly women; and even more so when it comes to actual involvement in outreach programs.

While men are quick to take the easy, straightforward road to satisfaction, women often take the long, winded more intimate scenic back roads.

Women want to know the Children names, their gender, ages, and actual desires.

They match their pick of children to their children’s gender and age.

They involve their children in thinking & choosing the gifts, packaging and delivering it.

 

Each Sunday

Each of these last two Sundays I have weighed my euphoria from quickly jotting down Gift Certificates for the entire family line against the emptiness felt by each congregant as they leafed through each gift request.

I feigned for collaborative thoughts.

 

Last Sunday

Last Sunday, Ms. Ruby, the Church’s founding Pastor’s wife, came up to me and said that she has done this for 20 years and that I am not going to deny her this year.

She said to make sure “to get it right, as it is not the same if she misses out on what she is supposed to participate in“.

 

More Angels

Aside from my blunder, all our allotted Angels have been picked.

And, finally this evening I took the time to email Vivian and asked if she has more Angels.

She said Yes.

A batch in our state and a bigger batch the State North of us.

She explained that because of the distance, it will likely have to be Gift Certificates or Amazon Prime.

 

God’s Moment

I asked her to please call me, and she obliged.

She explained to me that these days, gifts cards are OK especially for teenagers.

That is, as long, as some requirements are met.

As she explained everything I knew it was a God Moment.

having my feet washed out and having twinkles placed in.

 

Vivian

Here is a lady I am speaking to for the very first time in my life.

And, she is sharing with me the precaution we should take to measure the veracity of the relationship between the shut in and the ones we are trying to serve in his absenteeism.

Understanding that our Church’s resource is limited and has to be carefully disbursed, we have to be constrained in our financial obligations; yet unrestrained once we establish the actuality of the relationship.

Furthermore, she highlighted the difference between Churches.  There are some that just want to get into the homes and are more loose in their qualification process.

 

Little Spaces

It is like him to show up in the little spaces of our lives.

A father and a Husband.

Broad shouldered to carry the fainting and keep those inside in.

Yet secure enough to disappear as the wanderer makes his way in.

 

Scripture

  1. Prayer for the disciples
    So that they may be one as We are one.
    During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me.
    I guarded them so that not one was lost
    ( John 17:11-12 )
  2. Out of my/his hand
    No one can snatch them out of My hand.
    My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all.
    No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.…
    ( John 10:28-29 )
  3. The Sheep and the Goats
    …For I was hungry and you gave Me nothing to eat,
    I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink,
    I was a stranger and you did not take Me in,
    I was naked and you did not clothe Me,
    I was sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.
    And they too will reply, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?…
    ( John 25:42-44 )
  4. Unto Me
    Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
    Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
    ( John 25:45 )

 

Primary Responsibility

Though, I swore to keep my public discord separate from my private affairs.

I have to dedicate this to Sade, my sweetest Taboo.

What a shame that I have to steal from Def; but “Truly, without her, nothing works“.

Each of us has things we want to do, but when our primary responsibility is unprovided for, we are monrose and unhinged.

And, so this is for and to her, and all she does to make sure we are together in Spirit and in Truth.

When things are not right, we quickly come together to structure it before him, he who is able

 

Words

Many of the children are been shepherded by their Aging grandmother.

It is embarrassingly agonizing that God continue to have no one else, but grandparents to care for these young ones.

  1. Angelina Grimké  (1805-1879)
    • I know you do not make the laws, but I also know that you are the wives and mothers, the sisters and daughters, of those who do
  2. Mary McLeod Bethune
    • For I am my mother’s daughter, and the drums of Africa still beat in my heart. They will not let me rest while there is a single Negro boy or girl without a chance to prove his worth
  3. Cindy Sheehan
    • “I am going to take whatever I have left and go home,” she wrote. “I am going to go home and be a mother to my surviving children and try to regain some of what I have lost.
  4. Bob Dylan
    • My daddy [once said], ‘Son, it is possible to become so defiled in this world that your mother and father will abandon you. And, if that happens, God will always believe in your ability to mend your ways
  5. Barack Obama
    • He was raised literally and metaphorically offshore, in Indonesia by his white mother and in Hawaii by his white grandparents. He is very much an American but tends to view the incongruities of politics with the distancing eye of an outsider
  6. Danish Proverb
    • A rich child often sits in a poor mother’s lap
  7. Jim McGreevey
    • One of the most contentious issues in the divorce is what the child should be exposed to. Her mother made McGreevey and his partner take down a nude photograph in their home, contends that Jacqueline should not be allowed to sleep in her father’s bed, and says that the girl should not be allowed to receive communion in the Episcopal Church because she is being raised a Roman Catholic. At the hearing, the judge said the girl would not be permitted to sleep in the same bed with anyone except her mother or father.
  8. Denzel Washington
    • My mother never gave up on me. I messed up in school so much they were sending me home, but my mother sent me right back
  9. Hagar & Ishmael
    • And God was with the boy, and he grew up. He lived in the wilderness and became an expert with the bow. He lived in the wilderness of Paran, and his mother took a wife for him from the land of Egypt. ( Genesis 21:20-21 )
  10. Saint Augustine – Ancient Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo from 396 to 430)
    • He cannot have God for his Father who will not have the Church for his mother.
  11. George Michael
    • I was pretty depressed about my mother’s death. I was as down as I’ve ever been. It was even worse than when my lover died. I found it hard to cope.
  12. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
    • Unless life is lived for others, it is not worthwhile
  13. Robin Morgan
    • We are each precious, unique, necessary. We are strengthened and blessed and relieved at not having to be all the same. We are the daughters of longing. We are the mothers in labor
  14. King David
    • And David went from there to Mizpeh of Moab. And he said to the king of Moab, “Please let my father and my mother stay with you, till I know what God will do for me.” And he left them with the king of Moab, and they stayed with him all the time that David was in the stronghold. (1st Samuel 22:3-4 )
  15. Abraham Lincoln
    • “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” I will prepare and someday my chance will come. All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. Whatever you are, be a good one. I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother. I walk slowly, but I never walk backward
  16. Haniel Long
    • For support, I fall back on my heart. Has a man any fault a woman cannot weave with and try to change into something better, if the god her man prays to is a mother holding a baby?

Listening

Listening to the song I first heard today when I went by CVS for snacks ….

Train – Marry Me
Link

Something about …

Forget the world now we won’t let them see
But there’s one thing left to do

If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe

You wear white and I’ll wear out the words I love you

Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way

 

Kenneka Jenkins and Young African American Womanhood

Preface

I think it was Monday morning through Google News that I first became aware of the Kenneka Jenkins story.

 

Desperation

At face value there seems to be quite a bit lost in translating those early hours of “Innocence Lost” into community participation.

What does one do when a young adult goes missing.

Once someone is 18 they pretty much have a right to self determination.  They can simple say and do their Yeses and Noes.

They can stay gone and missing for a few days.

As I read it her mother woke up and went to the Hotel and asked for help once contacted by her friends and told they could not find her.

It appears she was told by the Hotel Clerks that can only do so much until she files a “Missing Person” report.

 

Womanhood

You could tell the mother loves her.

One could tell her Sister loves her.

I think there was a young man that stood with her mother, as well.

Sometimes during adolescence we try so very hard at holding on to those who love us.

But, more so, at navigating towards our own Identity and the Yeses that come within that.

Seemingly, it is the price of Womanhood.

 

How things look and how they are

Hair done, nails nailed

Face prettied, gowns worn

From the look of things sure and ready for anything

 

But, at nineteen she hardly knows the glasses and mirrors that covers the pond

Just because a river welcomes and receives sunlight does not mean it forever stood idly by

There is often so much washed in and washed away

 

 

Safe

It was a girlfriend’s birthday
And, so not much should go wrong
Take Mama’s Car
Check in and stay indoors with friends
Come back home to waiting family

 

Bitterness

The Psalmist wrote …

The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy

 

Time

Each time has its own stories, fables, and myths
Ours is just too much to keep to self
Sharing is caring
And, so I am thinking I will beam it on Facebook
Some come to watch, others to celebrate, and yet others to mourn

There is a little bit for everyone
Items for sale, yet they could be had for free

 

Weasel

Weasel away time
Weaseling away time, like we could have it back
Whistling away life
Like we could whistle the Spirit back in it

 

Courage

Mistakenly uncaring-ness for courage
Mistaken “Made up mind” for ineptness
Pride in “Standing our grounds” like it always been ours
A generation here, a generation there
It could go either way

 

War Within

In the middle of a chess game
Pieces always moving

Wale – Family Affair
Link
You see I gotta go to war

You too young and you don’t know what I’m fightin’ for
This is my Vietnam
You are my strength
And the reason that I’m going

 

You fooled me into thinking it was my turn
You fooled me into thinking half the table was mine
While you knew all along the table was a bit slanted
And, I had few and fewer pieces on it

Morning

It looked like it took all day
Seemingly it took all night
But, come morning
None of the pieces was mine after all

….
….

Car and phone returned to mums

At the very least the ones who loves me knows not to keep calling

Debt

Like in the song “Wildflower” sang by “Color Me Badd
Sincerely it sings about how

always paying, for a debt she never owes

No one else would sign up to pay it
So it rests on her
By morning, hopefully it had been fully paid
And, her Spirit can yield, and float featherless and wingless having yielded the weight of life

 

Between the Lines

Chuck Missler likes to say “the only barrier to the truth is assuming you have it“.

We steadily thinking we know and calling out our enemies.

But, Wallahi, yet sometimes things be more complicated.

See who is satisfied with you fucking up.

See who holds on to his best and shares your worst with the world

The worst in others is the easiest to share

 

Yea, Squeezed

Yea, finally here I am

Into the little refrigerator

Tried so hard

Trying so hard to create spaces between unbalanced relationships

Having to miss mine and others familiar habits

Out from getting squeezed and trapped in my past

Doing too much from ‘ving to be counted and forever pictured into my forever nightmare

 

Spirits

Spirits are beings and people too.

The Devil reads spirits.

Sign up to do same

Have quiet come to God moments and interludes

It takes time and getting used to

But, it is part of LIFE

And, what God wants to give you

 

See you in a Bit

Didn’t say bye as she is quiet not
But, hovers over, watching who say what
Who confessed to what
Who came by to say and face Final Respect 

 

Care

Kenneka, caring is the least we can do.
Though the world seems a little hardened after all that has happened, and is happening
Yet centuries ago, to steady our feets, someone muttered:

two sparrows going for a penny, yet not one of them falls to the ground outside of our father’s care“.

 

Videos

  1. Andrew Holmes
    • KENNEKA JENKINS LIVE UPDATE FROM ANDREW HOLMES
      Channel :- Mek & Jimmie
      Published On :- 2017-Sept-14th
      Link
  2. Chicago Tribune
    • Hotel Footages
      • On hotel video, Kenneka Jenkins last seen alive staggering through kitchen
        Published On :- 2017-Sept-14th
        Link

 

Listening

  1. Color Me Badd ( Tyrese )
  2. Carrie Underwood
    • Carrie Underwood – Don’t Forget To Remember Me
      Link
  3. Patty Loveless
    • Patty Loveless – How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
      Music Video from: Patty Loveless, Only What I Feel, 1993 Sony
      Link
  4. Phil Collins
    • Phil Collins – In the Air Tonight
      Link
  5. Pete Rock & CL Smooth
    • They Reminisce Over You
      FROM THE ALBUM “MECCA AND THE SOUL BROTHER” (1992).
      Link

 

Redwoods


whiteroseswithabitofgreen-cropped
Came home yesterday afternoon, went to lay down
Outside of spending time with my brother to get something to eat
Spent the rest of the evening in bed
Woke at 2
But, couldn’t stand to get out of bed 

What the redwoods of California will do for a soul bruised up
What a timely getaway will do
Driving the night and needing a full beam
Made my mind so small

 

Listening to you speak your Heart out
About all the things I said and shouldn’t have
Laying down in a so so Hotel
Pulling you so close
Enough for only you and I to hear

 


I say I am sorry
Asking for forgiveness
And, how I can wait till the morning
to see if you will give it

 


JB: The meaning of forgiveness
JB: People make mistakes

Went to Church, It is Sunday Morning
The pastor made the Altar Call
Something about the Lord
Is ready to forgive


Forgiveness came a day early for me
I didn’t have to hear it
I just had to feel you yield your Soul & Spirit

 


JB: The meaning of forgiveness
JB: People make mistakes, doesn’t mean you have to give in
JB: Life is worth living again

Took a long drive in the California Redwoods
Wished we made it to Oregon
But, came home
And, held it all in
Wish I could stay here forever

 

Listening to ….

Justin Bieber – Life Is Worth Living (PURPOSE : The Movement)
Video

Taylor Swift – Begin Again

Intro

For the last year or so, being Barting to work and have missed new music (from the radio).

Caught up a bit last night, the Country Music Award was on TV.

Really enjoyed “Taylor Swift’s” performance of “Begin Again“.

Lyrics

The lyrics goes …

……..
………

And for the first time
What’s past is past

And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny cause
He never did
I’ve been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again

Videos

The official video is here.

And, her performance from the 46th CMA Award is …

  1. here
  2. Taylor Swift Begin Again 46th Annual CMA Awards 01 11 2012 ( Here )